"Verily, verily I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than
from God?
And now, behold, you have received a witness; for if I have told you things which no man knoweth have you
not received a witness?"
D&C 6:22-24
A week before I got home and since I have been home I have been questioning my faith and my testimony of this Gospel and of this Church. I have been feeling empty and alone. I felt like my faith was diminishing and my testimony was falling fast. I have been reading and praying but it doesn't seem to help the feelings I had.
Last night I looked for help from a couple of friends. One of them gave me a couple of scriptures from Doctrine and Covenants and it says:
"But behold you must study it out in your mind, then you must ask me if it be right, and if it be right I will cause your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.
But if it be not right you will have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me."
D&C 9:8-9
She said after I read this I should pray vocally to our Father in Heaven all of my concerns, worries and doubts and let him help me. So after I read those verses I prayed and I prayed for about a good half hour asking him if this is true. What I was teaching and what I was taught it true. I went to bed. Today I woke up and went on Facebook to find a talk from my friend's boyfriend. It was a talk given by Elder Holland titled "Come unto me" I felt like that talk was for me. After I listened to the talk I got on the phone and was texting a really good friend of mine from my mission and was asking him if this ever happened to him. He said yes and he gave me the scriptures that is the beginning of this note and he told me to pray to God before and after reading those verses and then just listen so I did. After I prayed the second time I opened my eyes to this verse.
"Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I am the same that came unto my own and my own received me not. I am the light which shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not."
D&C 6:21
Now I cannot write what my experience was because it is sacred to me and it is from God but I can tell you this:
I know that this Gospel, the Gospel of Jesus Christ is the true and living Gospel. I know that this is the ONLY true and living Church of Jesus Christ that is on the earth today. I know that the Book Of Mormon is true with all of my heart. I know that we have a literal Father in Heaven that is willing and ready to help us in any way we need it and I also know that we have a Savior that has redeemed us all so we can have a chance to live with him and God again. I know that what I have been teaching for the past 8 months is true without a shadow of a doubt. I know that Joseph Smith Jr. was the ONLY person who could unlock this last dispensation and bring forth the fullness of the everlasting Gospel. I also know that we have a living Prophet and his name is Thomas Spencer Monson and he receives direct revelation for us from our father in heaven. I know that these things are true and I say these things in the sacred name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Friday, July 5, 2013
My Mission
Here it is 8pm coming in from a long day of discouragement
and heartache
door after door slammed in our faces for weeks and one
door apologized for me joining the wrong church
my knuckles are red and sore and I don't even want to check
what's under my socks
my back is hurting from carrying my backpack all day I don't
know if I can stay up any longer
I get a text and my heart sinks to my stomach of what it says.
I was with him for 3 months and this is what he does.
We get a call and I go to my knees in tears. I thought we taught
him good enough.
We plan and I throw the phone to my companion and go to
the bedroom and slam the door.
It's 9pm. I shut the lights off in shame. I drop down to the
edge of my bed to pray.
Father why are you putting me through this? Why doesn't
anyone want to hear our message?
Why did you put me with that person for three months? Why doesn't
this person live what we teach him?
I want to keep a smile on my face but it is so dang hard to do that
when you put me through this.
I feel like giving up. Going home throwing in the towel. This isn't for
me. It never was. Amen.
I crawl into bed. It is 1030pm the alarm is set for 630am. I fall asleep
right away.
I find myself underneath a tall oak tree with the sun shining on me. A
Tall man comes up and sits next to me.
He tells me he is Jesus Christ. He goes on and tells me this. "So you feel
discouraged and lots of heartache.
I felt like that when my people wanted to crucify me. So your knuckles
are sore. My hands were sore when they put nails through my hands.
I see that your back hurts from your backpack. My back was in excruciating
pain when I had to carry my cross up to Calvary.
So you had a companion that didn't do what he was supposed to do. I had a
companion that sold my life for 20 pieces of silver.
So you have a person that isn't following everything that you have taught
them. I had disciples that went back to there fishing when I died.
You feel like you wanna give up and quit. I wanted to do that so badly
but I stuck through it because I had a mission to fulfill."
I bowed my head and I started crying. He puts his arm around me and crys
with me.
I looked up at him and asked him "Why did you go through with it?"
He told me "I did it because I love you."
Then I woke up. It was 630 already. I jumped out of bed with a smile on
my face and ready to go out and finish my mission.
and heartache
door after door slammed in our faces for weeks and one
door apologized for me joining the wrong church
my knuckles are red and sore and I don't even want to check
what's under my socks
my back is hurting from carrying my backpack all day I don't
know if I can stay up any longer
I get a text and my heart sinks to my stomach of what it says.
I was with him for 3 months and this is what he does.
We get a call and I go to my knees in tears. I thought we taught
him good enough.
We plan and I throw the phone to my companion and go to
the bedroom and slam the door.
It's 9pm. I shut the lights off in shame. I drop down to the
edge of my bed to pray.
Father why are you putting me through this? Why doesn't
anyone want to hear our message?
Why did you put me with that person for three months? Why doesn't
this person live what we teach him?
I want to keep a smile on my face but it is so dang hard to do that
when you put me through this.
I feel like giving up. Going home throwing in the towel. This isn't for
me. It never was. Amen.
I crawl into bed. It is 1030pm the alarm is set for 630am. I fall asleep
right away.
I find myself underneath a tall oak tree with the sun shining on me. A
Tall man comes up and sits next to me.
He tells me he is Jesus Christ. He goes on and tells me this. "So you feel
discouraged and lots of heartache.
I felt like that when my people wanted to crucify me. So your knuckles
are sore. My hands were sore when they put nails through my hands.
I see that your back hurts from your backpack. My back was in excruciating
pain when I had to carry my cross up to Calvary.
So you had a companion that didn't do what he was supposed to do. I had a
companion that sold my life for 20 pieces of silver.
So you have a person that isn't following everything that you have taught
them. I had disciples that went back to there fishing when I died.
You feel like you wanna give up and quit. I wanted to do that so badly
but I stuck through it because I had a mission to fulfill."
I bowed my head and I started crying. He puts his arm around me and crys
with me.
I looked up at him and asked him "Why did you go through with it?"
He told me "I did it because I love you."
Then I woke up. It was 630 already. I jumped out of bed with a smile on
my face and ready to go out and finish my mission.
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